You're completely useless in the revolution.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
