I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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