my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
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