alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
