the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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