Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
