Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
