This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
