I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Houston, we have a squirter
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
