Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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