I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
So much rum. So many feels.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
