I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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