rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
