K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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