do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
