I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
