Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
