I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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