she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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