Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
