Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
