He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
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He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
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It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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