I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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