I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
