Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
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