This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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