I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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