I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
