i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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