Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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