You smell like stripper and shame
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
