I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I need help removing her.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
