ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
