It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
