Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
