Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
