im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Randomize
