I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
