Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
