So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
We just shotgunned beers for America
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
