you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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