so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
