she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
