Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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