So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
