I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize