if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
