There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I love you.
Bad choice
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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