i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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