It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
