Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
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Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
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I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
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