Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
