what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
