Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
