when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
