she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
