so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Sorry about my life...
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
