Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
