I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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