Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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