Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
