I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
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At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
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Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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