So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
