You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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