The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I'm passing your future prison.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
