Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
