On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
