Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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