dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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