The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize